he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
