sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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