I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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