she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
