I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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