No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
