i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
