Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
