I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
