good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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