Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
