is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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