Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
