I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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