I love black thongs
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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