I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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