Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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