Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
