jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Every concussion has its silver lining
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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