i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
