we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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