he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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