at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
