My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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