There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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