I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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