This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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