That's intense
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
