Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
