nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Let's get the cat blown out
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
