why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
