were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
