so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
