There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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