Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
