And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
