In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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