idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
