Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
