I want to make a zoo with you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I've blown a few things in my day
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize