weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
