dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
