I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
