i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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