wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
