someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
