Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
