were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
