I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i can't believe i had my finger in that
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
