I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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