Are we in a gay sports bar?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
